lunar longing

The tumultuous thumps of chaos have left me in an exacerbated state of emotion. Details aren’t important, at least not the methodical and dutifully categorized ones. My details are that of breath and life, of color and storms. I have loved quite deeply in all manners of the word, just as shallowly as well. Of all that is love, it is the deepest, the purest and most beautiful, that can and will wound you into the fiber of your soul. “I have friend, one that I love, her name is the moon…”

My nights have been missing their moon, missing that glowing satellite of spatial mass. My tides have lost all crests and pools, my oceans have turned in sorrow as the rhythm slowly dissipated and I was left in stillness, in silence; A quiet so deep and so absolute that the echoes of sound crumble like Granite Mountains. I was told to stay away from the ocean, but who can really do that? Deep calls to deep, right?

I kept hope when I lost it, on nights when I was dreaming of my moon, the shimmer that happens in the chasm of your mind, where synapsis fire like pistols and electricity rumbles through the smoke and like phantoms, figures emerge, my moon emerged. I awoke to the waning of hope. There was a cry in my silence, a roaring whimper that took a subtle prick at my heart. I leapt from the scattered smoke as reality bruised my body, scraping against door and wall as I made my way out.

The slow scraping of water against sand left me in shock. Tides? Here, now? The ocean was reflecting rage and there in the sky was a waxing moon. Brilliant white light pouring down in a frenzy, then like a snuffed flame, it was gone.

There is hope in me again, deep hope. My wounds are still raw, my heart still faint, my ocean is still silent and my night is darker than ever, but I know that “having hoped contrary to hope, in hope he believed…” I believe too. I believe I can do this, that It can change, that the horns of the alter are in my hands, I will not let go. I will be given audience and my petition will reach through a brass heaven and echo out like the cry of the ocean roaring against sand, roar like deep calling to deep.