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There are moments when life creeps-ever so slow-upon you like the flashing of a cannon ball coming through your living room. Times when you feel less than less and lower than something like low. Times when you know you really dont deserve the Lord. Times when everything you are seems to have rejected Him. Maybe not outwardly; but in your heart. Right now is one of those times.

I am listening, listening to my own heart beat pound in my chest. Sometimes wishing this cadence would end so i could meet the Father and be done with the present trials of life. The wounds inside are fresh; i want Jesus. However, this wounding has left me running from him, running from him because im scared to trust.

I really am done with not trusting him though. It has left me in a far worse state than i imagined. Not in the sense of life going to hell, but rather in the sense you can feel so far away from God when you just spent the morning talking to Him. Feeling that far away because you know there is something you have to give up and you just dont want to do it. I have to do it though. I want to much.

And i am not implying that to give up to get is the reason for giving up. I am giving this up because that "so much" that i want is the LORD.

Broken records make me want to shout and bust them. and right now thats what i feel like. but this time it will be different. it has to be.

hasta luego Los Angeles

I am on the bus right now leaving LA. Trainig was long, really long but neccesary. We have been going over the curricilum for our classes and practising various teaching methods. I will lose a day on my flight to hong kong, which means I will be a day ahead of evry one in the states. Continue to keep me In prayer. I'm writing a legacy for future generations, pray the fallow ground be broken.
Levi