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Sunday, July 27, 2008
...
There are moments when life creeps-ever so slow-upon you like the flashing of a cannon ball coming through your living room. Times when you feel less than less and lower than something like low. Times when you know you really dont deserve the Lord. Times when everything you are seems to have rejected Him. Maybe not outwardly; but in your heart. Right now is one of those times.
I am listening, listening to my own heart beat pound in my chest. Sometimes wishing this cadence would end so i could meet the Father and be done with the present trials of life. The wounds inside are fresh; i want Jesus. However, this wounding has left me running from him, running from him because im scared to trust.
I really am done with not trusting him though. It has left me in a far worse state than i imagined. Not in the sense of life going to hell, but rather in the sense you can feel so far away from God when you just spent the morning talking to Him. Feeling that far away because you know there is something you have to give up and you just dont want to do it. I have to do it though. I want to much.
And i am not implying that to give up to get is the reason for giving up. I am giving this up because that "so much" that i want is the LORD.
Broken records make me want to shout and bust them. and right now thats what i feel like. but this time it will be different. it has to be.
I am listening, listening to my own heart beat pound in my chest. Sometimes wishing this cadence would end so i could meet the Father and be done with the present trials of life. The wounds inside are fresh; i want Jesus. However, this wounding has left me running from him, running from him because im scared to trust.
I really am done with not trusting him though. It has left me in a far worse state than i imagined. Not in the sense of life going to hell, but rather in the sense you can feel so far away from God when you just spent the morning talking to Him. Feeling that far away because you know there is something you have to give up and you just dont want to do it. I have to do it though. I want to much.
And i am not implying that to give up to get is the reason for giving up. I am giving this up because that "so much" that i want is the LORD.
Broken records make me want to shout and bust them. and right now thats what i feel like. but this time it will be different. it has to be.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
hasta luego Los Angeles
I am on the bus right now leaving LA. Trainig was long, really long but neccesary. We have been going over the curricilum for our classes and practising various teaching methods. I will lose a day on my flight to hong kong, which means I will be a day ahead of evry one in the states. Continue to keep me In prayer. I'm writing a legacy for future generations, pray the fallow ground be broken.
Levi
Levi
Saturday, June 28, 2008
LA
im inLA for training and about to leave to hong kong for 4 weeks. im believeing for some divine connections. keep me in prayer.
levi
levi
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
farwell to oralndo
Dear friends,
Well that time has come. I am leaving orlando once again to further what the lord is doing in me. I will be flying out on the 25 to kansas city then moving my stuff tospringfield illinoise-where i will be going to school. I will be flying out of springfield-possibly st. louis. To LA for a week of training then from there i am off to hong kong!!!!
So keep me in your prayers.
broken by grace, consumed by faith
Levi
Well that time has come. I am leaving orlando once again to further what the lord is doing in me. I will be flying out on the 25 to kansas city then moving my stuff tospringfield illinoise-where i will be going to school. I will be flying out of springfield-possibly st. louis. To LA for a week of training then from there i am off to hong kong!!!!
So keep me in your prayers.
broken by grace, consumed by faith
Levi
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Update
Currently i am in florida working for the next few weeks. saving money to move to springfield, illinois. And also raising funds still to go to china at the end of june. Much love fam :)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
China
Friends, Family:
This summer I am venturing-once again-to Hong Kong. For those who have known me; you know my heart bleeds for missions.
For two years I have not left the states, despite opportunities to do so with out me having to raise a dollar, solely because the lord spoke to me to sow two years into America without leaving this soil. To believe that these two years would plant a seed that I would reap later in life; to believe that God would raise up a modern Moravian mission movement.
With these two years coming to a close, my soul burns for missions more than it ever has. You never know how much you love food until you go without it. And with these hunger pangs, my heart groans to once again look out and believe in faith for the nations.
I am asking you to believe with me.
I will be gone for 5 weeks encompassing June and part of July. After which I will be returning to the states to attend college In order that I might better serve overseas. More so, in order that I will be able to get into any "closed" nation the lord leads me to. With a degree in English I will be able to get into places most missionaries are not aloud.
The purpose of this letter is to ask for your support. Financially, yes. More for you support in faith and prayer. Call it ludicrous, but I could care less if you give money or not.
I care, however, if you will believe with me; dream with me. That in this time something will break open in the lives of the kids I will be teaching; In the faculty of the schools. Believe with me that nations are shaped with words spoken and not with guns fired. Believe with me that a life wasted on Christ can raise up a thousand Daniels in the court of Babylon.
Napoleon said that "China is a sleeping giant and if she is ever awakened, the world will not be able to stop her." Will you help, in faith, to raise this sleeping giant?
Broken by grace, consumed by faith,
Levi David Ferguson
If you are giving, please make checks payable to living waters church and leave the "for" line blank simply include a note with my name attached to the check. All donations may be mailed to
1200 elinore dr. Orlando Fl, 32808Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I'm dreaming the world all over again. Again, again, again, and again. Not that anything was wrong with it the first time. but i have hope in me so big it threatens to rip my chest open. So i sit here late at night with eyes colored red; hoping that these soft whispers of a decadent whisper will have enough laugh in them to become real. I want them to be real. I want them really. Laughing with a soft hint of bitter loneliness; i write. Inked words forming the crumbling outline of this magnificent city i have all laid out in my mind. Can you see it. Come a little closer. Still no? Maybe your eyes are too innocent. People die. Slow, cruel, agonizing deaths. WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. Along with the laughter, mirth and cheer. We HAVE to have that moment of silence in everyday: that moment when we know how short life is; that moment when the heaviness of hopelessness steals the breath form our lips. We have to have that moment. If not; how will we ever learnt to appreciate the moment we have now?
I'm dreaming again. and I'm bleeding the color green. Artist walk in living color. I'm searching for a canvas to spill my paint on. Are you ready? This one is big, and deep. and it will take more than everything to see it through. This is my dream. and it just might kill me...but if it does know that i died laughing; knowing how all this will end. He is coming. Coming like a lion and a jealous husband, a jealous father. And if i don't see this dream through, he will do it for me one way or another. You see, its not really my dream. its His. And He is dreaming the world all over again...
I'm dreaming again. and I'm bleeding the color green. Artist walk in living color. I'm searching for a canvas to spill my paint on. Are you ready? This one is big, and deep. and it will take more than everything to see it through. This is my dream. and it just might kill me...but if it does know that i died laughing; knowing how all this will end. He is coming. Coming like a lion and a jealous husband, a jealous father. And if i don't see this dream through, he will do it for me one way or another. You see, its not really my dream. its His. And He is dreaming the world all over again...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
a different side of the coin
this blog isn't about poetic expression or nice allusions; it is not about the depth of my writing skill or my ability to prove myself as a word smith; it is not about the white kid typing on this keyboard ranting about whats wrong with our world and Christianity as it presently is expressed. Now that you know what it isn't about let me tell you what it is...
Tonight somebody got shot: not a bullet on tv screen: a piece of lead in somebodies face, blowing half of it off. Tonight A kid down on parramore saw some stuff no kid should have to see. Tonight some mom's mouth is stuffed with something other than food so she can give food to her children. Tonight i was thinking like i do every night; how far humanity has strayed from being human.
We-and i mean the church-preach social charity and good living, but when it comes time to put out we go cold turkey. Im not writing to church bash; im writing to bash this foul mouth lie we have accepted and continue to accept every day of our lives: this lie that says its all about us. This bastard Gospel being preached that says God(JESUS) wants us to have loads of money and a happy,great life full of carefree enjoyment, and that he will take care of the poor without us lifting a finger.
Im sick of seeing these pigs preach breakthrough, sowing, waiting, breakthrough, sowing waiting...Its all bulloux, and the church is smiling as their mouth is full of it. During this meal of fallacy and self-delusion we scoff when reality is presented and find ourselves choking on our own mucus. And laying there dieing; we wonder what happened. As our enemies gather round and say that the proof our God doesn't exist, is in our last breath. I dare to say, THAT God does not exist.
Please, before you crucify me or label me as just another preacher of hate speech, just finish reading.
I remember this sweet little parable that talks about this guy that came to Jesus and asked what he had to do to get to heaven. He proceeded to say he followed all the law and the prophets, and Jesus looked at him and told him to sell everything he had and give to the poor. He walked away and Jesus never ran after him.
I love jesus. He was never fancy with words to get the big tithers.
The God of the American eye is not Jesus as he walked. the American church is that young man, and their God didn't watch them walk away, their God ran after them and said "hey, you know what let me make this easier, thats not what i really meant. what i really meant was sell some stuff and just help out a poor guy you don't have to sell all of it."-and you know what? I cant blame them for believing in that God.
That God seems like a nice guy, wants them happy, warm and fuzzy. it's a nice thought. sadly, that God Wants them to look with pity at the poor but never requires them to eat with them. To look with pity at sinners, then meet in our pretty white walls with a beautiful steeple, and talk about how not to become like those on the outside.
But you know what?-That's not God.
And here i am. With my present dilemma. If that is not God. Where are all those people in the white walls going when they die?
You know, you might say that its ok that they missed it on a couple points. Well, i disagree. These are not just a couple points. Jesus said there were two commandments the law and the prophets were summed up in...that means two commands the whole bible is summed up in. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART ALL YOUR SOUL AND MIGHT and LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.
I think our problem is love. And God being love...well then our problem is with God.
Let's go back to that person that had their face blown off. They were made in the image of God; the person holding that smoking gun...yeah they were to. God loves them. Do we? Do we really love? Do we really love so much that we would give our lives for the man holding that smoking gun? Even if that face that got blown off was our child, our mother, our brother or sister? If we answered no, well then we have a problem. Because jesus would and did. And he says unless we drink form the same cup as him we have no part in him. Its a hard pill to swallow. Especially when you know it will kill you...but you know that pill has Jesus written all over it.
Tonight somebody got shot: not a bullet on tv screen: a piece of lead in somebodies face, blowing half of it off. Tonight A kid down on parramore saw some stuff no kid should have to see. Tonight some mom's mouth is stuffed with something other than food so she can give food to her children. Tonight i was thinking like i do every night; how far humanity has strayed from being human.
We-and i mean the church-preach social charity and good living, but when it comes time to put out we go cold turkey. Im not writing to church bash; im writing to bash this foul mouth lie we have accepted and continue to accept every day of our lives: this lie that says its all about us. This bastard Gospel being preached that says God(JESUS) wants us to have loads of money and a happy,great life full of carefree enjoyment, and that he will take care of the poor without us lifting a finger.
Im sick of seeing these pigs preach breakthrough, sowing, waiting, breakthrough, sowing waiting...Its all bulloux, and the church is smiling as their mouth is full of it. During this meal of fallacy and self-delusion we scoff when reality is presented and find ourselves choking on our own mucus. And laying there dieing; we wonder what happened. As our enemies gather round and say that the proof our God doesn't exist, is in our last breath. I dare to say, THAT God does not exist.
Please, before you crucify me or label me as just another preacher of hate speech, just finish reading.
I remember this sweet little parable that talks about this guy that came to Jesus and asked what he had to do to get to heaven. He proceeded to say he followed all the law and the prophets, and Jesus looked at him and told him to sell everything he had and give to the poor. He walked away and Jesus never ran after him.
I love jesus. He was never fancy with words to get the big tithers.
The God of the American eye is not Jesus as he walked. the American church is that young man, and their God didn't watch them walk away, their God ran after them and said "hey, you know what let me make this easier, thats not what i really meant. what i really meant was sell some stuff and just help out a poor guy you don't have to sell all of it."-and you know what? I cant blame them for believing in that God.
That God seems like a nice guy, wants them happy, warm and fuzzy. it's a nice thought. sadly, that God Wants them to look with pity at the poor but never requires them to eat with them. To look with pity at sinners, then meet in our pretty white walls with a beautiful steeple, and talk about how not to become like those on the outside.
But you know what?-That's not God.
And here i am. With my present dilemma. If that is not God. Where are all those people in the white walls going when they die?
You know, you might say that its ok that they missed it on a couple points. Well, i disagree. These are not just a couple points. Jesus said there were two commandments the law and the prophets were summed up in...that means two commands the whole bible is summed up in. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART ALL YOUR SOUL AND MIGHT and LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.
I think our problem is love. And God being love...well then our problem is with God.
Let's go back to that person that had their face blown off. They were made in the image of God; the person holding that smoking gun...yeah they were to. God loves them. Do we? Do we really love? Do we really love so much that we would give our lives for the man holding that smoking gun? Even if that face that got blown off was our child, our mother, our brother or sister? If we answered no, well then we have a problem. Because jesus would and did. And he says unless we drink form the same cup as him we have no part in him. Its a hard pill to swallow. Especially when you know it will kill you...but you know that pill has Jesus written all over it.
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