2.
Sometimes it is absolutely necessary that we get out of the way of ourselves. Yes I meant to say it exactly like that. Yes it makes perfect sense. Yes I know it isn’t easy.
There is this “Thing” we are running after. Despite what many want to call it: dreams, hope, love, faith, happiness, wealth, fame, or even just a simple kiss; what we are really running after is fulfillment.
I know it isn’t a heavy idea, except… it actually is.
Not in idea maybe, but rather in substance. In substance it takes on a whole new character and taste. Its look even changes and what we thought it was—once getting to that place—is not at all what we imagined. Many people think money will solve all the problems of the world; it really won’t. Africa has proved that.
Fulfillment looks like a billion different things to a billion different people but to every one of those billion the biggest obstacle is the face they see in the mirror, or pond, or passing glass window while strolling downtown. The reasons for it are plenty obvious and plenty flashy.
We have this nature in us that fights for itself. It is selfish and seeks its own gain. On the surface that might not look so bad; every one looking out for themselves, to protect what they have, but the truth is this is the complete opposite of love.
In that world everyone gets screwed.
We want to be happy; I think most people in their sane mind want that, but sometimes we have to trudge through the muddy waters of our own selves to find that happiness. I am not trying to sell a self help “your best life” type of gimmick. What I am saying is this; we constantly sell out every single day to the immediate gratification of stupid little things in the hopes to bide off the pain of that gaping hole in our chest.
We do it with: coffee, shoes, games, relationships; some do it with drugs, lust, hate, murder, envy, the point is we all do it, none of us are any better than the rest.
However we can have fulfillment.
We just have to swallow that huge ball of powdery flour called pride; it doesn’t go down easy, it isn’t meant to. When we do that we will see that fulfillment has been in us the entire time. His name is Jesus.
What’s that you say? You have tried the church thing and it didn’t work?
I am not talking about the church thing: I am talking about that tanned Israeli who showed us the way to freedom and unlocked the door with his blood-that man isn’t church in the sense your thinking. He beckoned us to follow him to the ends of the earth preaching and teaching and healing and casting out devils and pulling down strongholds and principalities and powers. That man is not for a half-ass gospel. Fulfillment begins with him, and in Him we lose ourselves and gain his identity, but in that losing of ourselves and gaining of Him we are re-born into something wholly different but still bearing individuality.
It is beautiful right? We die to ourselves so we can gain Him, but in doing it we actually gain ourselves-or the part of “us” that is real and irrevocable. When we see that we see happiness.
What does it look like to be happy? Ask anyone who has served the poor, built houses for the needy. Ask Heidi Baker or Jacki Pullinger. You ask them what it is to be happy and why they serve and deal with the broken of the broken. Crack addicts, meth heads, prostitutes and the starving, the sick and the blind.
They do it for love; real unadulterated and unselfish love.
Maybe we aren’t happy because we are selfish as hell and do not want to swallow that powdery ball.
I understand, some people choke on that pride and die in the process. Why risk it then? If we would open wide and swallow that pride we can chase it down with the water of life, and a little honey. It really isn’t that bad when you think about it; a moment of pain, or a few moments of pain, for the understanding of a life fulfilled in beauty and having an affluence of happiness that can change the world.
You think I am wrong, that is ok.
Look Jesus in the face and tell him you’re not happy with your life.
But before you do
Make sure you’re doing what he told you. I don’t mean the abstract stuff; the religious empty tradition, I mean the concrete explicit biblical stuff. Stuff like “…all the law and the prophets are summed up in these two things, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.’”
If you want to be happy it comes down to this, LOVE.
Love unselfishly and truly, bear your heart to be wounded, but know that Jesus can heal any wound. When we walk in love we are fulfilling the entire law and prophets. If you ask me, you can’t help but be happy when you are doing that.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Saturday, December 5, 2009
1
1
The other night I was driving around in my very beat up ford ranger; she has been through a lot, my mind began to wonder about the normal or not so normal things in life. Like will there be mountains or oceans in heaven? Or will there be animals we have never seen? Will God look like I imagine Him (as a black man with a voice that sounds like coffee smells.) It might seem like an obvious answer but I don’t really think it is. It reminds me of conservatism.
Being conservative—in the Christian sense—conjures up a few images of old ladies in unflattering dresses or country folk taking a ride to the city and talking about all fast paced, loose, immoral people. Maybe even it will bring an image of a soap box preacher with a megaphone shouting out to the mocking passerby-ers that they are going to hell if they don’t repent of their wicked, wicked ways. Or, if you happen to be in downtown Orlando on a Tuesday night, you might just hear one yelling “If you’re a faggot you’re going to burn!”
Most of those are not pleasant images (not that I have anything against old ladies and their dresses,) but they don’t really appeal on any level do they? But what about the conservative who is against abortion or national healthcare and big government; not because he is against abortion or national healthcare or big government, but because his religious standings prevent him from believing or voting for such things? What about the conservative who is soft spoken, meek, truthful, honest and thankful; who does not judge or scream or holler; who does not call people “faggots” or blow up abortion clinics?
What about me? I call myself a conservative Christian—though by most standards I would not be—but that all depends on point of view. I am loud, often times I make quite a ruckus. I love to laugh and push people to justify why they believe in something instead of “just because.” That makes a lot of people upset. I also hang out with pregnant girls who aren’t married. I have friends who are gay. I know a stripper or two. I have read my bible while having a beer. I have talked about the power of the Holy Spirit while smoking a cigar. My aggressive nature is largely misinterpreted. I love Jesus more than anything in this world. That makes most people think I am not conservative. (It probably makes them think I am an apostate.)
With all these different views and thoughts of what a conservative is how can we pin it down? We can’t. The lines are too faded and mostly have no reason for being in the first place. Non-conservative, conservative, liberal, neo-post-modern-ultra-orthodox-catholic-semi-Calvinist…what does it matter? Where do these titles come from? We need some yes to define things in our mind. We like things orderly and neat and able to place into a category or relational bubble. There are things that don’t fit and cannot be placed in a bubble or category. Things like Jesus. You can’t put God in a box, and if you can I would say that what you are so delicately guarding in that finite imaginary cube is nothing more than something wholly other than God.
We have become great at creating gods, haven’t we?
The other night I was driving around in my very beat up ford ranger; she has been through a lot, my mind began to wonder about the normal or not so normal things in life. Like will there be mountains or oceans in heaven? Or will there be animals we have never seen? Will God look like I imagine Him (as a black man with a voice that sounds like coffee smells.) It might seem like an obvious answer but I don’t really think it is. It reminds me of conservatism.
Being conservative—in the Christian sense—conjures up a few images of old ladies in unflattering dresses or country folk taking a ride to the city and talking about all fast paced, loose, immoral people. Maybe even it will bring an image of a soap box preacher with a megaphone shouting out to the mocking passerby-ers that they are going to hell if they don’t repent of their wicked, wicked ways. Or, if you happen to be in downtown Orlando on a Tuesday night, you might just hear one yelling “If you’re a faggot you’re going to burn!”
Most of those are not pleasant images (not that I have anything against old ladies and their dresses,) but they don’t really appeal on any level do they? But what about the conservative who is against abortion or national healthcare and big government; not because he is against abortion or national healthcare or big government, but because his religious standings prevent him from believing or voting for such things? What about the conservative who is soft spoken, meek, truthful, honest and thankful; who does not judge or scream or holler; who does not call people “faggots” or blow up abortion clinics?
What about me? I call myself a conservative Christian—though by most standards I would not be—but that all depends on point of view. I am loud, often times I make quite a ruckus. I love to laugh and push people to justify why they believe in something instead of “just because.” That makes a lot of people upset. I also hang out with pregnant girls who aren’t married. I have friends who are gay. I know a stripper or two. I have read my bible while having a beer. I have talked about the power of the Holy Spirit while smoking a cigar. My aggressive nature is largely misinterpreted. I love Jesus more than anything in this world. That makes most people think I am not conservative. (It probably makes them think I am an apostate.)
With all these different views and thoughts of what a conservative is how can we pin it down? We can’t. The lines are too faded and mostly have no reason for being in the first place. Non-conservative, conservative, liberal, neo-post-modern-ultra-orthodox-catholic-semi-Calvinist…what does it matter? Where do these titles come from? We need some yes to define things in our mind. We like things orderly and neat and able to place into a category or relational bubble. There are things that don’t fit and cannot be placed in a bubble or category. Things like Jesus. You can’t put God in a box, and if you can I would say that what you are so delicately guarding in that finite imaginary cube is nothing more than something wholly other than God.
We have become great at creating gods, haven’t we?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Purpose
Here among the shadows hung deep and black, cast against adjacent walls; our minds wander aimlessly through the burning questions we have managed to escape for part of another day. However, in still times when our minds break our elusive game of escape those burning questions arise with a defiant air; screaming to the forefront of all thought and attempted imagination. You all know the questions I’m talking about. They are the ones we hardly bring up because the answers are either too elusive or too broad or too relative or too…always too everything, too big and too much and too heavy to dwell on for any length of time.
Despite the size and depth and uncertainty of such questions, WE MUST think on them often. We must hold a fondness for them. To be well acquainted with every single one of them: for these questions are the key to what we are missing.
There are passions burning so deep in all of us-even for those who say they have no passions, at some point you did, now you may be so crafty at pushing them away that you have forgotten them altogether; this does not negate the fact those passion did rage. And somewhere in that hollow shell of humanity bearing the image of someone so other than human, those passions still exist.
These passions point us home.
I’m not talking about sexual passion, monetary passion or half formed emotional passion. I am speaking about the deep kind, born of years of looking out on the world and feeling something move in us every time we hear or see or feel. It could be art, music, literature, people, plants or whatever, but those passions are a direct link between the part of “us” that society has rendered and the side of “us” that they have never been able to touch.
The potential resting there is not able to be measured. I heard a man say once that passion always precedes purpose… and there have a nagging question…
What is my purpose?
It nags and aches and festers until we either beat it down so badly we forget that we ever thought it or embrace it and find that those passions locked in us move us toward the purpose we so desperately want.
Purpose is a sword in the mouth of many people. Those who don’t know it are cut viciously and refuse to pursue it from fear. We look at those scars and scoff, laughing at ourselves for ever giving flight to such a fancy as living with purpose. Our world in its broken state teaches us that purpose was lost a long time ago. That people don’t live for purpose, they live to live. This lie is destroying the lives of thousands.
There are others though who learn to use that sword and cut through every obstacle blocking their path. And those people look at their scars and value, in greater measure, what it took to get where they are.
We have to listen to the little things cause they are always first to know when the big things come.
And when those little passions flare, we have to stop and ask “why does this thing always move me, why does it keep coming up, why am I always captured by it?” Those answers will not always be readily available but by choosing to pursue a passion we find our purpose.
By questioning ourselves we will be forced to find answers or at least seek after them. Those answers could lead us to places we may have been blind to but they are sure to lead us.
It is of no small task to live in a place of purpose; it will challenge and refine us push us to the limits of who we are. But there is a fulfillment there that cannot be had from any other place.
We must lay hold of our purpose and pursue it violently; with passion and faith enough to keep us running after it that even after having no favor come we may one day happen upon it and from there begin to live as an effective change in a world that is always looking for a reason to live.
Despite the size and depth and uncertainty of such questions, WE MUST think on them often. We must hold a fondness for them. To be well acquainted with every single one of them: for these questions are the key to what we are missing.
There are passions burning so deep in all of us-even for those who say they have no passions, at some point you did, now you may be so crafty at pushing them away that you have forgotten them altogether; this does not negate the fact those passion did rage. And somewhere in that hollow shell of humanity bearing the image of someone so other than human, those passions still exist.
These passions point us home.
I’m not talking about sexual passion, monetary passion or half formed emotional passion. I am speaking about the deep kind, born of years of looking out on the world and feeling something move in us every time we hear or see or feel. It could be art, music, literature, people, plants or whatever, but those passions are a direct link between the part of “us” that society has rendered and the side of “us” that they have never been able to touch.
The potential resting there is not able to be measured. I heard a man say once that passion always precedes purpose… and there have a nagging question…
What is my purpose?
It nags and aches and festers until we either beat it down so badly we forget that we ever thought it or embrace it and find that those passions locked in us move us toward the purpose we so desperately want.
Purpose is a sword in the mouth of many people. Those who don’t know it are cut viciously and refuse to pursue it from fear. We look at those scars and scoff, laughing at ourselves for ever giving flight to such a fancy as living with purpose. Our world in its broken state teaches us that purpose was lost a long time ago. That people don’t live for purpose, they live to live. This lie is destroying the lives of thousands.
There are others though who learn to use that sword and cut through every obstacle blocking their path. And those people look at their scars and value, in greater measure, what it took to get where they are.
We have to listen to the little things cause they are always first to know when the big things come.
And when those little passions flare, we have to stop and ask “why does this thing always move me, why does it keep coming up, why am I always captured by it?” Those answers will not always be readily available but by choosing to pursue a passion we find our purpose.
By questioning ourselves we will be forced to find answers or at least seek after them. Those answers could lead us to places we may have been blind to but they are sure to lead us.
It is of no small task to live in a place of purpose; it will challenge and refine us push us to the limits of who we are. But there is a fulfillment there that cannot be had from any other place.
We must lay hold of our purpose and pursue it violently; with passion and faith enough to keep us running after it that even after having no favor come we may one day happen upon it and from there begin to live as an effective change in a world that is always looking for a reason to live.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The two natures; PART 2
The two natures; PART 2
Jacob, he was a son of Abraham. The genealogies list it like this, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The crazy thing here is Jacob was not the first born. He was not the one to be listed in that line, it should say Abraham, Isaac and Esau.
But something happened.
Esau sold his birthright to Jacob. There are a couple things that could trip us up here. Can a birthright be sold? Aren’t you born into it? Is it even tangible?
Yes, yes and yes.
As I said previously about Esau, The birth right that he sold was not only about a parental blessing it was about taking the word of God at face value. But this is about the nature of Jacob…
Jacob was supplanter, he schemed he lied, and he deceived. So how did one like this ever get the blessing of God that would bring about the redemption of mankind?
After Esau sold his birthright, later Jacob tricked his father and lied to him-with the help of his mother; from that lie Jacob received the blessing due to the first born. This blessing wasn’t just about saying something nice about the first son, by receiving that blessing Jacob literally became as the first born.
After this he fled and married Leah and then Rachel. He had twelve sons. He later left his father in law and after some turbulent affairs came to a place where he was going to meet Esau. Jacob hangs here in a place of fear and uncertainty. His nature flares up again, he attempts to appease his brothers perceived anger by sending gifts.
And then something changes…
In Genesis 32:24
“…and then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. 25Now when he saw that he-the man-did not prevail against him-Jacob, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacobs hip was out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26And He said, ‘let me go, for the day breaks.’ But he said ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me!’…” In the following versus the angel asks him his name and then renames him “ISRAEL” which meaning “God prevails”
Jacob stepped into something.
Despite his nature of deceit he grabbed hold of God and would not let go until God blessed him. Even after being wounded by God he still held on and said “I will not let go.” Within us as believers in God and His son Jesus we have these natures in us. They both fall grossly short of God; proving our need.
There are times, moments of destiny if you will, when we step into a moment so divine we must tread lightly and violently. “For heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force.” Jacob grabbed hold of heaven with violence and even after being physically struck and afflicted he would not let go. We have to have that same quality in ourselves. Esau forsook that covenant for food. Jacob held onto it even in the face of physical affliction.
The natures we have in us will either bring us to a place of raw abandonment and leaning on God or to the destruction of our souls and separation from Him.
Jacob held true to who God and pursued the Lords blessing over his life and became the one from whom the 12 patriarchs came. He gave birth to 12 pillars of which the world’s destiny would be forever linked to...
Jacob, he was a son of Abraham. The genealogies list it like this, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The crazy thing here is Jacob was not the first born. He was not the one to be listed in that line, it should say Abraham, Isaac and Esau.
But something happened.
Esau sold his birthright to Jacob. There are a couple things that could trip us up here. Can a birthright be sold? Aren’t you born into it? Is it even tangible?
Yes, yes and yes.
As I said previously about Esau, The birth right that he sold was not only about a parental blessing it was about taking the word of God at face value. But this is about the nature of Jacob…
Jacob was supplanter, he schemed he lied, and he deceived. So how did one like this ever get the blessing of God that would bring about the redemption of mankind?
After Esau sold his birthright, later Jacob tricked his father and lied to him-with the help of his mother; from that lie Jacob received the blessing due to the first born. This blessing wasn’t just about saying something nice about the first son, by receiving that blessing Jacob literally became as the first born.
After this he fled and married Leah and then Rachel. He had twelve sons. He later left his father in law and after some turbulent affairs came to a place where he was going to meet Esau. Jacob hangs here in a place of fear and uncertainty. His nature flares up again, he attempts to appease his brothers perceived anger by sending gifts.
And then something changes…
In Genesis 32:24
“…and then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. 25Now when he saw that he-the man-did not prevail against him-Jacob, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacobs hip was out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26And He said, ‘let me go, for the day breaks.’ But he said ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me!’…” In the following versus the angel asks him his name and then renames him “ISRAEL” which meaning “God prevails”
Jacob stepped into something.
Despite his nature of deceit he grabbed hold of God and would not let go until God blessed him. Even after being wounded by God he still held on and said “I will not let go.” Within us as believers in God and His son Jesus we have these natures in us. They both fall grossly short of God; proving our need.
There are times, moments of destiny if you will, when we step into a moment so divine we must tread lightly and violently. “For heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force.” Jacob grabbed hold of heaven with violence and even after being physically struck and afflicted he would not let go. We have to have that same quality in ourselves. Esau forsook that covenant for food. Jacob held onto it even in the face of physical affliction.
The natures we have in us will either bring us to a place of raw abandonment and leaning on God or to the destruction of our souls and separation from Him.
Jacob held true to who God and pursued the Lords blessing over his life and became the one from whom the 12 patriarchs came. He gave birth to 12 pillars of which the world’s destiny would be forever linked to...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
flowers in the desert
I have been in a real place of breaking recently, I don’t mean the “ow, that hurts stop poking me” I mean like the “AHHHHHHHH” flesh being pulled back and nailed to a wooden plank as your heart is plucked out and crushed until you bleed love-kind of breaking. Simply said, it has been great. No I’m not being sarcastic; in all honestly it has been amazing. How? Think of childbirth, a lot of pain and screaming and agony but there is definitely a joy in the process that something is changing and in the middle of all that discomfort there is the thought, “something is about to be born.”
That is where I am at, something is about to be born. Despite the ill fated nights of my clandestineness, where I was hiding beneath sheets of flesh trying to flesh out that ghastly nature of fleshly fleshiness; I have reached the point of having true joy in my position.
Recently I was rather taken aback by a simple but powerful encouragement via YouTube. In said encouragement, this dude was talking about “callings” and where people are at how to know what God has for you, said dude…said, “it isn’t about your ‘calling’ so to speak but rather what God has for you where you are now, you have to take it one day at a time and give yourself to the season you’re in now without living in the future that doesn’t exist yet. Find what you can and want to do know and run after it with the release of God.”
Too often we pass by what god has for us now by wasting our imagination and focus on what he will give us in the future. Today I know God has something for me, I just have to spend time with him so I know how to listen to what that is. This sounds simple and matter-of-fact-ish, but the truth is “it ain’t that easy.”
To love God is to pursue God and to pursue God means an active zeal in our hearts to push ourselves-through his grace-toward the ever so misquoted “prize.” That prize is Jesus himself. Everything else comes secondary to Him; Every ministry, Person and whatever half cocked Greek reasoned, self justified argument you could bring to deliver the contrary: in short lads and lass’, Jesus is the ultimate trump card.
So with this new place of broken joy, I am finding the desert to be a far more fruitful place than the dark soil of life’s little lessons. I don’t do little, I do big and I mean BIG. I know something is being born because I feel in my soul the pangs that it is taking to bring it forth.
All this is simple I know, I detest simple, useless diatribe aimed at reminding us that we are going to be ok and we are wrong for thinking otherwise. Are we wrong to think otherwise?
YES
But that is not the point, point is we live in a state of grace where it is not of works, and we are not debtors to the law.
It is way better this way, trust me.
So with a simple page or two of my ranting that seems so light hearted, I am conveying in part, 6 months of churning and tears and often times cuss filled frustrations at life and my circumstances, wanting more of God but knowing I was letting myself get in the way. Nights where my sleep was scattered, my heart more weighty than black hole and days of despair, destitution and bitter bitter, bitter words of a man that is long dead, “Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.”
Ladies and men of the Gentle…hearts, He is faithful to fulfill what he promised. So with that, “keep on keepin on” and don’t wait for the future, make a Wave now, make it so big it knocks people over and leaves others sitting dumbfounded wanting to make one to.
If you want it bad enough, be ready to wear the sackcloth and ashes before you get the mantle and miracles.
Broken by grace, consumed by faith
Levi
That is where I am at, something is about to be born. Despite the ill fated nights of my clandestineness, where I was hiding beneath sheets of flesh trying to flesh out that ghastly nature of fleshly fleshiness; I have reached the point of having true joy in my position.
Recently I was rather taken aback by a simple but powerful encouragement via YouTube. In said encouragement, this dude was talking about “callings” and where people are at how to know what God has for you, said dude…said, “it isn’t about your ‘calling’ so to speak but rather what God has for you where you are now, you have to take it one day at a time and give yourself to the season you’re in now without living in the future that doesn’t exist yet. Find what you can and want to do know and run after it with the release of God.”
Too often we pass by what god has for us now by wasting our imagination and focus on what he will give us in the future. Today I know God has something for me, I just have to spend time with him so I know how to listen to what that is. This sounds simple and matter-of-fact-ish, but the truth is “it ain’t that easy.”
To love God is to pursue God and to pursue God means an active zeal in our hearts to push ourselves-through his grace-toward the ever so misquoted “prize.” That prize is Jesus himself. Everything else comes secondary to Him; Every ministry, Person and whatever half cocked Greek reasoned, self justified argument you could bring to deliver the contrary: in short lads and lass’, Jesus is the ultimate trump card.
So with this new place of broken joy, I am finding the desert to be a far more fruitful place than the dark soil of life’s little lessons. I don’t do little, I do big and I mean BIG. I know something is being born because I feel in my soul the pangs that it is taking to bring it forth.
All this is simple I know, I detest simple, useless diatribe aimed at reminding us that we are going to be ok and we are wrong for thinking otherwise. Are we wrong to think otherwise?
YES
But that is not the point, point is we live in a state of grace where it is not of works, and we are not debtors to the law.
It is way better this way, trust me.
So with a simple page or two of my ranting that seems so light hearted, I am conveying in part, 6 months of churning and tears and often times cuss filled frustrations at life and my circumstances, wanting more of God but knowing I was letting myself get in the way. Nights where my sleep was scattered, my heart more weighty than black hole and days of despair, destitution and bitter bitter, bitter words of a man that is long dead, “Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him.”
Ladies and men of the Gentle…hearts, He is faithful to fulfill what he promised. So with that, “keep on keepin on” and don’t wait for the future, make a Wave now, make it so big it knocks people over and leaves others sitting dumbfounded wanting to make one to.
If you want it bad enough, be ready to wear the sackcloth and ashes before you get the mantle and miracles.
Broken by grace, consumed by faith
Levi
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
prayer and suffering
There is an answer to prayer that is not the pretty little breeze of blessing; the beautiful conquering of some ill bred foe; the joy of a heart saved from self destruction. There is an answer which is ugly and grotesque, rank and flail-worthy; where screaming and kicking is the song and rhythm of your life. When you ask to have the heart of God: when you say you want to love more deeply than anything you have seen, to love the broken and downtrodden; side by side to the rich man; the pockets of whom are too swollen for him to know what it feels like to fall on his rump.
This answer comes in the complete destruction of oneself, the slow decay of every foundation and solid footing. The breaking of a man is one of the ugliest things I have ever seen in my life. Not to be hasty and judge the ugly things of no sure use, for they are. Before you build you have to lay waste, before you plant you have to plow.
It is a bitter thing to willingly subject oneself in a joining to the heart of God. Whoever says such a thing is a constant joy is a liar and a thief. The former for they cannot have the heart of God and not know the sorrow that is there, joy-yes-but sorrow also. The latter because such a damned fool is stealing truth from the hearts of honest people.
This answer comes in the complete destruction of oneself, the slow decay of every foundation and solid footing. The breaking of a man is one of the ugliest things I have ever seen in my life. Not to be hasty and judge the ugly things of no sure use, for they are. Before you build you have to lay waste, before you plant you have to plow.
It is a bitter thing to willingly subject oneself in a joining to the heart of God. Whoever says such a thing is a constant joy is a liar and a thief. The former for they cannot have the heart of God and not know the sorrow that is there, joy-yes-but sorrow also. The latter because such a damned fool is stealing truth from the hearts of honest people.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I
Broken concrete beneath my bleeding feet
You said stand
So here I am bleeding to death
Beneath bright skies that should stir joy
But inside this rubble laced coffin
I am suffocating
I could have died a thousand other places
With a bit more dignity
With some semblance of sober pride
But I have become a mockery
Will you let the righteous be forsaken?
CERTAINLY NOT
So come then
Swiftly, for I am no sparrow
I am falling without wings
Into a pit of darkness
Like death’s gaping mouth
Spreading to swallow the living
I will not waver
For you are sure to defend your name
You said stand
So here I am bleeding to death
Beneath bright skies that should stir joy
But inside this rubble laced coffin
I am suffocating
I could have died a thousand other places
With a bit more dignity
With some semblance of sober pride
But I have become a mockery
Will you let the righteous be forsaken?
CERTAINLY NOT
So come then
Swiftly, for I am no sparrow
I am falling without wings
Into a pit of darkness
Like death’s gaping mouth
Spreading to swallow the living
I will not waver
For you are sure to defend your name
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